Week V / VI

I’m not going to sit and lie here: Week 5 was a mentally draining week.

I worked 5 days this week (one of those days I was on a double), had an exam, a program to write, homework for 6 classes, had personal hardships I was trying to filter through, and still needed to make room for my training. So, what did I do? Focused on my emotions an unhealthy amount and sat inside everyday. I mean, there was a hurricane going on too I guess.

But I didn’t run at all. And while I knew I was only hurting my progress, I stayed paralyzed to my bed. I’m definitely that person who, when there is something stressful happening in my life, I tend to “check out.” I go to sleep, I eat, I sit in the shower for hours, and I avoid and procrastinate what I should be doing. Which in turn always slaps me in the face because I was avoiding things I shouldn’t have been avoiding.

But here we are.

I hoped by me writing out my progress would kind of force me to stay on track. I have to post about it, so I can’t just say I sat on my ass all week drinking coffee and doing nothing. Or can I?

Yeah, I fucked up. And to be honest, I felt like a huge failure for it. But also, that’s life. Life goes on, and missing a week of training and beating myself up about it doesn’t mean I can’t continue to do this damn thing. So, I’m deciding to continue doing the damn thing.

Maybe that’s the point of this part of my journey. Not to pretend that I’m on track and doing the best every single day or week. I’m like every other person going through a ton of things behind closed doors.

My head space for week 6 is a little healthier to say the least, and I got way more accomplished.

Reminding myself that I’m a work in progress, which is the best place to be. I’m not perfect… and at this point I’m ready to just get this post up and out the way.

XOXO

Amy